Sad - both the happy and unhappy variety:
I have about 20 movies ready to be watched on my PVR and slowely I am getting around to them, today I put on a movie that is supposed to be a look at our current ecological situation from the perspective of a man in 2050. Apparently it was listed wrong, because that's not what I watched. Instead I watched Bella, a story of an unexpected pregnancy and an emotionally damaged man, with some abortion/adoption themes.
When the man starts crying in his mothers arms, I couldn't help myself, there was a little bit of seepage :P And when the story comes to a suitable close, just the growing feeling of emotion was almost too much, but it feels good on occassion.


Anger/Fear:
A long conversation with my father, normally something I don't mind as I don't have a problem shutting down a conversation if it's going in a direction I don't like. Today however was his birthday, and I didn't want to argue too much with him. I let him talk and talk about his new found guidance and how he is finding god. I thought he was at a treatment center, but apparently it's a "Disciple House". I'm not quite sure what that is, but it seems he's planning on trying to convert others and to start spreading the word of god, I really don't know what happened to the father I was supposed to know. I must have missed the signs in our previous conversations, I'm used to him looking to god after a relapse, but this is something new altogether. I seems as thought soon enough I won't be able to connect with him even on the simpler matters.

Time to try something new...

The book I just finished "Life After God" by Douglas Coupland, made me want to take another look at things. A lot of the things he brings up in the book, such as the thoughts of the characters in the book are thoughts I have had. It was nice to know that other have thought of the same things, even if they are just ficitional characters.

One of the things brought up time and again is the ability to feel, or the lack there of. It`s not that I don`t feel, because I do, it`s just that people so rarely talk about what there feelings are and when the feel them. This could be a unique trait to my group of people, you never know.

The reason for saying all this, is because I want to, from now on, document when I`m feeling things, and what caused the feeling, goor or bad. It will also give me a place to put things that entertain me throughout the day, perhaps other little things as well.


For example

Awkward, embarressed:
I made a comment to a coworker to ``have fun with those stairs`` the reason was she was wearing a short skirt and heals, and for some reason I assumed it would make it hard to go up stairs. Both the people I was walking with looked at me like I was crazy and I tried to justify my reasoning, but they didn`t understand, apparently it was a foolish misconception.