It's been about two and half years now since I traveled to Japan, yet it's still something I think about. The memories of the countryside and passing views of the small towns are what are foremost in my mind. The bullet train's window displayed a blur of green vistas punctuated by the smoke stacks of miscellaneous chemical plants, the ground occasionally dropping away to reveal the man made stream beds.

I don't know what is was about the outdoors their, by all accounts it should have been terrible. It was warm and ungodly humid, there were insects, vending machines along trails and elderly people racing by to humiliate me with their stamina. Regardless of all of this, I enjoyed it, an extreme happiness pervaded my being while I meandered about a forest. Most of you know that Japan has a large population, but there were times when no one could be found and all you could hear was the sound of cicadas.

What I'm getting at is that in BC I don't feel that way, I can walk outside and yeah it can look really nice, but I don't feel all content and happy in a forest of pine and fir trees. There is live everywhere, but it doesn't feel alive to me. I'm not sure if maybe it's because I grew up and hiked here, and Japan was such a change, or if maybe it was just because I was mentally in different place as I was on vacation. I do believe there is a beauty in BC, anybody who has visited Victoria or been to Forbidden Plateau can attest to that, it just doesn't pull me in.

The difference between the people found in Japan and BC was a shock. They have trains here and trains their, but the people on them could not be more different. Even when fully loaded, people minded themselves trying not to be a nuisance to any of those around them; where as in Vancouver, people seemed to go out of their way to annoy those around them by yelling loudly into their cell phones, subjecting us all to their music blasting from headphones and pushing and shoving everyone even near to in their way.

Stepping off a train was an experience in itself, one stop would leave me in the middle of a downtown otaku plaza, next I would be facing a row of housing pressed wall to wall as far as I could see, or a scenic village positioned around a river beneath a temple. Imagining what it would be like to be able to travel anywhere in the country on a moment's notice by hoping on a train, is something I am intensely jealous of. I can only imagine how great it would be to be able to explore your entire country whenever you felt like it. You want beaches? Hop on a train. You want to ski? Hop on a train. Hiking? Train. Clubbing? Train. City living? You get the idea I think.

I want to say more about my trip there and what I felt about it, and I will. I did keep a journal, or rather a notepad, but it only had the briefest of ramblings on it. I will have to see what memories it stirs up and if I can put them down on paper... blog... lol.

What movies?

Sad - both the happy and unhappy variety:
I have about 20 movies ready to be watched on my PVR and slowely I am getting around to them, today I put on a movie that is supposed to be a look at our current ecological situation from the perspective of a man in 2050. Apparently it was listed wrong, because that's not what I watched. Instead I watched Bella, a story of an unexpected pregnancy and an emotionally damaged man, with some abortion/adoption themes.
When the man starts crying in his mothers arms, I couldn't help myself, there was a little bit of seepage :P And when the story comes to a suitable close, just the growing feeling of emotion was almost too much, but it feels good on occassion.


Anger/Fear:
A long conversation with my father, normally something I don't mind as I don't have a problem shutting down a conversation if it's going in a direction I don't like. Today however was his birthday, and I didn't want to argue too much with him. I let him talk and talk about his new found guidance and how he is finding god. I thought he was at a treatment center, but apparently it's a "Disciple House". I'm not quite sure what that is, but it seems he's planning on trying to convert others and to start spreading the word of god, I really don't know what happened to the father I was supposed to know. I must have missed the signs in our previous conversations, I'm used to him looking to god after a relapse, but this is something new altogether. I seems as thought soon enough I won't be able to connect with him even on the simpler matters.

Time to try something new...

The book I just finished "Life After God" by Douglas Coupland, made me want to take another look at things. A lot of the things he brings up in the book, such as the thoughts of the characters in the book are thoughts I have had. It was nice to know that other have thought of the same things, even if they are just ficitional characters.

One of the things brought up time and again is the ability to feel, or the lack there of. It`s not that I don`t feel, because I do, it`s just that people so rarely talk about what there feelings are and when the feel them. This could be a unique trait to my group of people, you never know.

The reason for saying all this, is because I want to, from now on, document when I`m feeling things, and what caused the feeling, goor or bad. It will also give me a place to put things that entertain me throughout the day, perhaps other little things as well.


For example

Awkward, embarressed:
I made a comment to a coworker to ``have fun with those stairs`` the reason was she was wearing a short skirt and heals, and for some reason I assumed it would make it hard to go up stairs. Both the people I was walking with looked at me like I was crazy and I tried to justify my reasoning, but they didn`t understand, apparently it was a foolish misconception.